Sonja's Story

Swisserland 1 (Fall, 1943 – Fall, 1944)

Rovio, Sunday, October 17, 1943

Since I haven’t had the chance to write in my diary, they gave me this notebook as a substitute. I’m basically in quarantine here, along with all our girls and Helene. I think it will only last about 14 days until we can go out. Honestly, I’m not particularly fond of it here. It’s very orderly, but it

seems like they only care about appearances. They don’t really care if a person’s actual body is clean or dirty.

My day goes like this: we get up at seven, get dressed, and wash up. Since I’m considered a child here, we have to line up in pairs and go to breakfast in an orderly fashion. After breakfast, everyone goes to do their work. Since I can’t get by without work, I’ve been assigned to make beds and tidy up the room. Thankfully, I’m not doing it alone; this week I’m with Berta. I actually enjoy this job a lot because it’s very clean.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention: we live here without boys because they’ve been separated from us and sent somewhere else. After I finish my work, I can do whatever I want. Around twelve thirty, we have lunch, where I usually get my fill. After lunch, we have to lie down for a bit, and I fall asleep almost every time. At about half past three, we get up and drink milk (like little kids). Then we have free time until evening. After dinner, the radio gets turned on, and we all listen eagerly. By half-past eight, we all have to be in bed. The beds are really nice (I think we’ve never had such good beds before). That’s how our lives go here.

I really want to get away because I don’t really like like life here. There are many other women with us. Sometimes I have to cry, but I hold back. Joschko wrote to us that we might soon be going to Eretz. They also asked us if we want to go to Eretz. Naturally, I want to go. If I had relatives here in Switzerland, I would stay, but since I don’t know anyone here, I have decided to go to Eretz. When I finally get there, I won’t go to a kibbutz because I have relatives there, and besides, I’m sure I’ll be independent enough to pursue my own career. I hope that these are not illusions. I really hope to see my beloved, dear Mutti again someday. The girls all think that their mothers are already dead. I refuse to think about it. I’ll think about anything else, but I will not let myself think about that for as long as I haven’t received any news.

For now, I can’t get any mail at all, plus I have no idea who’d know to write to me here. When I lie in bed at night and hear the guards marching outside, I think about how awful it all is. We’re living in a country where there’s no war, but when we hear how badly the Germans are treating people, we get scared and wonder if they might come to Switzerland, too, since they’ve followed

us everywhere else.

The only truly beautiful thing here in Switzerland is the nature. When we arrived, we drove along Lake Lugano the whole time, and the mountains were up high. Truly a beautiful nature. We’re located near Lake Lugano, just a bit up the mountains.

Tuesday, October 19, 1943

I’m sitting in my room again, writing. First, I want to share that Nathan Schwalb called today and told us he’s in favor of all of us moving to a Villa soon, our whole group. When we heard that, we were all really excited because we all want to get away from here. This life isn’t pleasant for us at all. So today, we’re having a feast sicha.

Tuesday, November 2, 1943

Since I haven’t written for a few days, I have a lot to share now. First, I want to say that Nathan

Schwalb visited us and informed us that a house has already been found, and we’ll all be together in two weeks. Of course we all are very happy. I was just out for a walk when we got the news right outside the house. I was really happy because soon we’ll be leaving this place.

I also have something else to tell: last week, during the Red Cross distribution, I went up to get a nightgown or something for the night. When I was inside, they let me try on a few other things, and if they fit, I could take them. Of course, the other girls had something to say about it. I didn’t care as usual and tried to keep everything under control. The girls looked at me with those glances that I totally ignored. But I won’t cry because I keep telling myself that if I have to endure this, I have to maintain my pride. I understand that, and I’ll keep going like this. Berta says it’s just jealousy. Honestly, I couldn’t care less.

Friday, November 18, 1943

Since I haven’t written in such a long time, I have a lot to report today. First, we’ll be leaving soon, it’s just a matter of a few days. The younger ones will go first, and I’m among them. It’s supposed to be so beautiful there. There are two hotels next to each other in the valley, surrounded by snow-covered mountains. The landscape is said to resemble Lesno Brdo. I have to say honestly that I’m really excited. In the picture, it looks like a spa resort, which will surely be a hachshara in the future. I can already imagine life there so well, even though I haven’t been there yet. But living in this house is unbearable, so I want to get away from here. A man just came by and said we’d be leaving soon. Oh, I just want to get away from here. It could happen any day now, so I’ll get everything in order. Maybe even next week. Yay, I’m looking forward to just a few more days of sleeping on the straw sack. Thank God we’ll be able to see the boys again.

By the way, I need to mention that I’ve got some nice things. Today, I received a beautiful light blue blouse with long sleeves. When I leave, I’ll wear the blue blouse with the bolero. It makes me laugh when I think about it now. Because before, whenever I dressed nicely, I always did it for Salli, thinking that he would like it. Now, I dress up for myself, and that feels right. I won’t do it for some boy, no way! There are other boys out there with better character. And I still hope

to meet a guy. I think about Mutti a lot now.

Friday, November 26, 1943

Today, I have quite a bit to write about. First of all, Mala is now married to Jossel. Here’s how it happened: Recently, while we were in Nonantola, Mala gave herself to Jossel. She loved him and still does. But Jossel had someone else too, and that was Gisela. Gisela had been his friend the whole time and knew that he loved Mala and that Mama loved him. Suddenly, while we were in Nonantola, Gisela became so upset that she wanted to throw herself out the window. I saw with my own eyes how much she cared about Jossel. After that, I felt so terrible that I couldn’t eat dinner that night. But Mala always pretended that she had nothing to do with Jossel. Then, they ended up marrying each other, and Gisela didn’t know anything about it.

 The Youth Aliyah-Home in the Villa des Bains in Bex, Rhône Valley. But when the time came for us to leave the Villa and almost everyone had gone, Gisela, who had a sponsor in Florence, went with Jossel there. Before that, Jossel and Mala agreed that he would return to her in Switzerland. But when Mala got to Switzerland, she became pregnant. Now she’s incredibly unhappy because when people see that she’s pregnant, they will definitely want to see her ring. So, they bought her a ring to show that she’s married. Personally, I don’t believe Jossel will go back to Mala, because the same thing will happen with Gisela. He can’t just leave Gisela alone like that, right? If Mala has the baby, it will be born out of wedlock, and that will be terrible. I would never give myself away like Mala did.

Montreux, December 5, 1943

Today, I have quite a bit to write about because I no longer live in the Italian part of Switzerland but in the French part. We traveled all day from Rovio, but the journey wasn’t very pleasant since we were hungry and it was freezing cold. However, the view was breathtaking; you can’t help but be amazed at how beautiful Switzerland is with its mountainous landscape. We finally arrived in Montreux in the evening; we were famished. When we got off the train at the station, we went up to the hotel, which made a very good impression on us. First, we were shown to our rooms, where only three girls share one room. I’m sharing with Berta and Blüme, and I really like it here. But the most important thing is that I received a letter from Salli today. He told me that he met my aunt and family, and he wrote down their address for me. It gave me such a strange feeling.

Thursday, December 8, 1943

Now Berta is sitting next to me, and she’s being totally unreasonable. Sometimes I get so angry that I almost can’t take it anymore and feel like I have to hit her. We are also supposed to travel to Bex in a few days. The one thing I’m looking forward to is that there will only be three or four people in one room. That’s nice.

Friday, December 9, 1943

I just got back from a walk. We all went to a castle to look at the ancient artifacts. It was quite a long way, and the walk took about four hours. When we were heading back home and it was already dark, I couldn’t get enough of the city life. The first thing that caught my eye was how the lights were on in the streets. Then I saw people shopping, all with such a peaceful expression on their faces. Seeing this almost made me cry. I can hardly imagine that I could walk freely in a city and do my shopping. But I really hope I can live that kind of life someday. I also received a postcard from Aunt Sabina today. She’s in a labor camp with Erna, in Lucerne.

Monday, December 12, 1943

I’m in a joyful frenzy right now because we girls borrowed a gramophone and played it nearly

all afternoon. There’s one record that I really love. When I hear it, I can’t sit still. I can even dance already. I’m incredibly excited about it because girls my age should definitely know how to dance. When I finally get to be at a social gathering and a guy asks me to dance, I have to dance with him, whether I can or not, even if he’s a terrible dancer. Out of sheer excitement, we remembered Armand, who danced so well and was such a nice guy. So, we all wrote him a letter together. Also, something new has happened: Jossel and Gisela, along with the other boys, have arrived in Switzerland. It’s a pity that Leo Koffler isn’t here. I would’ve been really happy to see him because I still like him a lot. There’s going to be a tragedy with Jossel and Mala, though.

Sunday, December 19, 1943

It’s almost Chanukkah, and I’ve already finished all the gifts. I’m making gifts for the Secret Santa exchange for Charlotte, Berta, Blüme, Ursel, Helene, Hanni, and Hilde. I must honestly say that the gifts turned out really nice. I’m also looking forward to Chanukkah. Lately, I find myself thinking a lot about my beloved Mutti. I hope she’s healthy and can celebrate Chanukkah well. But the thought of having to be around those annoying boys again makes me not want to go at all; I’d rather go to a labor camp than be with them. I’ve heard a lot of unpleasant things about Joschko, so I don’t even want to see him. Unfortunately, I have no choice, and I have to go. I also want to mention that I don’t get along with Berta at all anymore; she always annoys me to the point where I get really angry, and we ended up having a serious fight. It’s like that all the time now, and sometimes it makes me want to cry, but I keep holding it back.

Friday, December 24, 1943

Today is Christmas, and nothing is happening. They gave gifts to the young people up to 18 years old tonight. I got two notebooks, two pencils, an eraser, a handkerchief, a mirror, colored pencils, and some treats. It’s the first time I’ve seen a lit Christmas tree. I wish it had transformed into a Chanukkah menorah instead. I haven’t seen a lit up Chanukkah menorah this year either, but we received many packages from Nathan Schwalb, which allowed us to have a few food sichot. Today, Joachim sent a package to us—Gerda, Eva, and me—which was very nice of him. Plus, I regularly receive letters from Aunt Sabine. It affects my emotional state that I’ve heard that some Jews from Poland have fled to Russia to save their lives from the Germans. Maybe my beloved Mutti is among them since Sami might have taken her with him. I hold onto the hope of seeing my dear Mutti and my brothers again.

Monday, December 27, 1943

In our room, Hilde and the girls are singing Jewish songs. Hearing them makes me want to cry. I haven’t cried in a long time, thank God. They’re also singing the songs Lilli used to sing. Lilli was such a wonderful girl. Half an hour ago, I took a warm bath and put on a fresh dress. On Chanukkah evening, a rabbi came and lit the Chanukkah candles.

(In a heart frame in Sonja’s Diary)

A great memory of Montreux; in our room. December 22, 1943

Bex, January 1, 1944

I just got back from the cinema, and I saw such a great film that I can’t stop thinking about it. It

was called “The Prince and the Pauper.” We went for a walk in the city in the afternoon with Schuldenfrei and came across the cinema, and saw that they were showing such a beautiful film. Luckily, we had our money with us, and we spent only 60 Rappen on it, which was really worth it. Now I can share a bit about life here. Last night, we had such a good dinner, the best we’ve had in a long time. Also, Ursel, Berta, and I got a room that’s very pleasant, and each of us has a bed, but unfortunately not enough blankets. Each of us has two blankets, and it’s still much too cold. Last night, for example, it was so freezing that we couldn’t sleep. Now we have this nice room, which is very cozy, but we have to heat it ourselves. That’s not so bad. The snow here is pretty high; sometimes it reminds me of the view from Lesno Brdo.

Sunday, January 8, 1944

The first thing I can report is that the boys are coming tomorrow. How awful. It was so nice and quiet while they weren’t here. But I do want to see Salli and wonder what he’ll look like.

Bex, January 22, 1944

Finally, the time has come when I have my own fountain pen and can write. Each of us girls received 18 Francs, and I immediately bought myself a pen with it. Now I only have ten Francs left. The boys are all here now. To my delight, I can report that Salli has changed for the better, and we’ve been getting along well lately. Now we are in a common room, and Lazi is singing popular songs, but unfortunately, we can’t dance.

Saturday, February 4, 1944

I haven’t written in a long time. I’m sitting in my room, which is so nicely furnished. A lot has happened lately. Us girls had a big fight with the boys, where we told them they were treating us terribly. We talked a lot about it until we decided to form a kuppah. The boys are behaving better now; maybe there’s hope for them yet. I also get along well with the girls here, especially with Berta. She’s quite popular now because she has taken on a lot of responsibility and duties. She is the sadranah and gisbarah, and I must honestly say she’s doing a great job. Thankfully, she’s also changed for the better.

Today, I’m wearing a new, beautiful dress. I imagine that the boys are noticing me. I really do look quite nice. All the girls are trying to convince me that I’m in love with Salli again. No, that’s not true. I do like him because he’s the only one among the boys who is chivalrous and polite. But unfortunately, he’s taken and is friends with Slata.

I also read some recent news that gives me a lot of hope. Last year in Russia and Lithuania, the Jewish Youth were called to Palestine, and they’ve already arrived. I hope dear Sami is among them. This week, Mrs. Schwarz read my palm and told me that I will marry young and that I have feelings of inferiority. That part is probably true. She advised me to learn a practical trade instead of an idealistic one. I’m much more interested in office work, anyway.

Saturday, February 12, 1944

It’s funny; I always seem to find time to write on Saturdays. Since I don’t have any other time for

this, I have to make the most of it. Today, I received a wonderful card from Aunt Sabina, which made me extraordinarily happy. She wrote that she plans to spend her next holiday with me. I’m really looking forward to having a close relative around. She also comforted me about dear Sami and my beloved Mutti, saying that my Mutti will definitely be working because after all, they need people. Truly, she’s the only person I have around here. Everyone else is just so unpleasant.

What I have to write about now is . They teased me about Danko. You see, Danko has a crush on me, and I’ve noticed it too. But that’s beside the point. The girls wrote a letter to Danko, suggesting that he should befriend me. I didn’t let on that it bothered me, but inside, it hurt a lot because it was embarrassing. The next day, they kept teasing me about everything, and I pretended not to notice and just kept singing to myself. Why should I let them see that I’m hurt? No, now especially, I need to show them that I just don’t care.

Yesterday, Mr. Schuldenfrei told me that Anni and I would be moving to another room, where I can live without being disturbed by the other girls. Oh, I’m so glad to finally be away from them. They always pointed out my flaws; they should take a good look at their own instead. Anni and I are going to make our room so nice and keep it so clean that the others will be so jealous. One more thing: last night, Joachim came to me and wanted to talk; I should not let him influence me.

Saturday, February 19, 1944

It’s afternoon now, and I’m sitting by the oven in my room. I just finished a book called The Last Days of Pompeii, and I really liked it. It was such a thrilling historical novel. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Monday, February 21, 1944

Right now, I could cry so hard, people would feel sorry for me. Here’s the thing: thank God I’ve moved to a different room, away from those awful girls, and now I’m only with Anni and Frieda. We’ve decorated our room beautifully. The others are going to be so jealous. Ugh, I just can’t stand them. Even today, at work, they made comments about me that made me want to go upstairs and cry. It was really silly. I just couldn’t hold it in; I kept thinking about how mean they are, always pointing out everything I do. I trusted Berta to be different, but she acts just like the other girls. Yuck, I could spit on them.

The day after tomorrow is my birthday, and I will act as if I want nothing to do with them. Even if I get some sweets or cake, I’d prefer to celebrate my birthday in our room. But it seems like they’ve already made plans for how they want to celebrate, so I guess I can’t do that.

Sunday, February 27, 1944

It’s just morning now, and I’m in my room, which I heated myself. About my birthday I can say that it was alright. I received a pair of silk stockings from the chevra, and a cake that I had in the evening…

Saturday, March 4, 1944

Right now, I have to say that I’m in a terrible mood and just waiting for the moment to get out of here. Here’s the thing: first of all, I’m terribly in love with Salli, which I haven’t felt in a long time. But I’m also so fed up with the girls that I can’t even stand to see or talk to them. They’re such nasty girls, and Berta is right in the middle of them all. I just don’t understand Berta at all. I’d love to tell her everything, but I know for sure that nothing good will come of it. I wrote a long letter to Tamar and haven’t gotten a response.

Wednesday, March 15, 1944

It’s evening now, and I’m in a pretty good mood, all things considered. I just looked back at the days from last year and the year before. Two years ago it was a lovely day, and today… Well, what matters most is that the correspondence with Tamar is going great. She always writes to me so warmly. She lives with her parents in a boarding house, and I’m so glad for her that she’s found happiness in these days. I’ve come to like her again because she congratulated me on my birthday, even though we haven’t seen or written or talked to each other in so long.

I’m also writing letters more often with Hilde now, but I can’t tell if she’s doing it out of obligation. Salli disgusts me. Honestly, all the boys are being so scandalous with how they treat the girls now. Danko has a crush on me, and the girls keep trying to convince me that I’m in love with him. But may God protect me. I’d rather die than find myself in a situation where I’d accidentally be falling for him. One night, when I was already in bed, I suddenly felt this overwhelming longing, something I haven’t felt in a long time. And I thought to myself, whom do I have here? Who here is a person I can trust? It’s really terrible.

Wednesday, April 5, 1944

Since I haven’t written in a long time, I have a lot of writing to catch up on. First of all, I spent thirteen days in the hospital because of a rash, and I just got out yesterday. I actually enjoyed my time in the hospital. I didn’t have to work, and I got to lie in a nice warm white bed. I was there with Berta, Tina, and Ela; the place is called Aigle. It’s great that I’ve finally gotten rid of that rash, so I don’t have to scratch anymore. Thank goodness.

Another thing: Berta and I are living alone in a room, and we’re getting along really well. Just now, Berta hung up some pictures, and it already looks quite cozy. Pessach is in just two days, and a lot of people are coming to visit. Almost all the girls are coming, and the whole chevra will be together. Mr. Boris, Robert Stein, and Lola are already here. I hope he gives a concert soon. I’m really looking forward to it.

As for Salli, I’ve heard a lot of bad things about him, and I can’t even look at him anymore, that’s how much he grosses me out. Now I have to wrap this up because I need to do some laundry.

Tuesday, April 11, 1944

The two Seder nights already passed by now. Hilde and Blüme were here too, but unfortunately, the days flew by; they were very beautiful. We had great conversations. During one of the Seders, I thought a lot about home. On Sunday, we had a scavenger hunt, and Salli played too. I was on Salli’s team, and we had to find the other group’s flag. Anyway, in the end, Esra and I

managed to find it. When I returned, Salli smiled at me and asked how I was doing—he was so friendly.

Now I’m waiting for a response from my aunt. In six weeks, she will have time off at work; maybe I could visit her for a week. That would be wonderful. The Kinderhilfswerk would pay for the trip. I also wrote an essay for the Iton called “My Impressions from Work.” Berta read it and said it was very good. I really want to win the second prize because it is a beautiful, bound diary. Now, I’m going to read a good book called How I Became a Socialist. It is written by Helen Keller, a woman who is both blind and deaf.

Thursday, April 20, 1944

It’s now afternoon, and Sarah is in our room. She’s chatting with Berta about the war. There are so many things I’d like to know about that too. I’ve already submitted my essay, and it was also read aloud. Most of the chaverim tell me I wrote the best essay, and that I’ll win the first prize, which is a trip to the opera in Geneva. That would be lovely. But I don’t think I’ll actually get it. The results will be announced on May 1st. I’m as curious as a cat. If it’s not the opera, at least I’ll get a beautiful, bound diary. Let’s hope for the best. I also received a letter from my dear aunt. However, she didn’t mention anything about coming here or going there.

Tuesday, April 25, 1944

I actually have a lot to write about, but I don’t have the time. Yesterday, I got a card from my dear aunt in Lucerne. She wrote that I can visit her over the weekend. That would be wonderful. I immediately went to Ricki and told him. He wrote to the Kinderhilfswerk about the money. I’m really looking forward to seeing her again because I want to talk to her about so many things. That would mean at least two days away from here.

Thursday, May 12, 1944

In just a few minutes, we’re going to Tijul. Almost all the girls have borrowed pants from the boys. I’m not borrowing any because I have a long jumper and don’t need to ask a boy for anything. It’s because today is Lag BaOmer. But the most important thing is that I was with my aunt in Lucerne and now have some beautiful things. I also have become more beautiful (because of Salli).

Sunday, June 4, 1944

Since I haven’t written in a while, I just want to mention one thing. Yesterday and today, we had a sicha with Nathan Schwalb during the day. We talked about the madrichim, how they don’t really engage with us and only live for themselves. We were especially focused on Mr. Boris and Mrs. Weiss. It was the first time in my life that I spoke about them in a sicha. I felt terribly embarrassed, but it didn’t matter. At first I was shy, but once I started talking, I felt braver and more confident. I said that you can’t just send them away; maybe they do want to share their lives with us. But now they’re just too old, and so it’s hard to really say anything.

But enough of that! Salli is sick. He has a rash on his face. Today, I’m working in the meschek. Suddenly a white figure in pajamas appears on the balcony. I looked over, and who was it? It was Salli. He kept looking at me. I can’t say that I’m in love with him, but there’s still something inside me, a remnant of my feelings from when we were in Lesno Brdo. But he’s with Slata and is tightly bound to her. So I shouldn’t get my hopes up. He doesn’t look at me like that anyway.

Well, that’s how my life is right now. And regarding the essay I submitted for the competition, I can say that I didn’t win a prize, nor did my essay appear in the Iton. It doesn’t matter. Next time, I’ll just write a better one, and I won’t let it upset me.

Saturday, June 10, 1944

Right now, I’m in a raging mood because we just had a sicha of the chevra, and a new Va’ad Haiton (newsletter committee) was elected. I voted for myself for it because I have a lot of enthusiasm and interest in this. Unfortunately, I wasn’t chosen for the Va’ad Haiton. These chaverim (group members) are so ridiculous; they see that one chaver (group member) has more points and so then they just give him another point. And if a chaver has done well in the Va’ad before, they just elect him again. It’s wrong. Because especially a chaver who has never done anything in the chevra will only then find the will to work, once he’s actually proven himself. It’s all so pointless.

This morning, we asked Zeev to show us some hypnosis techniques. He demonstrated a lot, and it was interesting. Then he came to me and hypnotized me. My heart stopped, and I couldn’t talk. All my thoughts got jumbled. For example, when he asked me what my name was, I just couldn’t answer. I didn’t know my name because my thoughts were confused. In the future, I won’t get involved in the chevra (group activity) anymore because they all insulted me.

Friday, June 27, 1944

I’m all dressed now and can say that I’m in a good mood because the exam is over, and I don’t have to study anything for a few days. My grades will probably be bad, but that’s okay. For instance, when Hans asked me something easy, I couldn’t answer at that moment. Why? I don’t even know myself. Sarah keeps interrupting and asking complicated questions. But from now on, I’ll focus and study before class. I hope I don’t fail. Our machlakah (school class) has turned into a kvutza (social age-group) now. There were many problems with Joachim because he doesn’t feel comfortable in the chevra (the entire youth group).

Sunday, July 9, 1944

A lot has changed recently. The chevra (youth group) from Versoix visited us, and aside from a few things, it was really nice. They are much more organized than we are. That’s probably because they’ve been together for a long time. Jizchak Schwersens was here too. He recognized me. But the strangest thing here is that we’re already preparing for Aliyah, which is supposed to start in a few months. I really hope we can go to Eretz soon!

Meanwhile, I have a terribly guilty conscience because if I go to Eretz, I won’t be able to see my family again. That bothers me a lot, but let’s hope everything will turn out well. For me, a new life will begin there, I believe that. Lately, we’ve had several sichoth (discussions) where we often talk about kibbutzim and kvutzot. I always want to speak up, but I hold back, why? I think a lot about some situations, but I can’t express myself properly.

One important piece of news I can report is that Leo Koffler is in Southern Italy, under the protection of the British.

Wednesday, July 19, 1944

I just got back from a walk with Berta. It was so beautifully calm outside that I didn’t want to come back at all. But one thing held me back: studying Ivrit for tomorrow. We have some news and we all are very excited. Because on August 7, there will be a summer camp for all the Jewish youth in Switzerland, and we can go too. There are different groups, and I’ve decided to join “Gordonia” because the people there are much more moralized than in Hashomer. That’s the main thing for me.

What I don’t understand is that all the Croats are in Hashomer, and not a single one of them is in Gordonia. We do have a few in Hashomer from our group. Oh, I’m so excited about the machaneh, I’ll be able to run around until I’m spent. But one thing worries me a lot, because Aunt Sabine wrote to say she’s very happy to see me again soon. I’ve decided to go to machaneh, as though my future life depended on it.

The day after my decision, Lola got permission to spend the last two days of machaneh with her aunt. I heard this and wanted to go too—why not? But they told me it was just about the fare, and I should get in touch with the kuppah (budget committee). While working outside in the meschek, I asked Salli if I could talk to him about getting the money. He said he would take care of it and let me know. After that, he asked me a lot about how I was doing and what I thought of the kvutza (the relatively newly formed youth group after they moved to Switzerland). I told him I felt pretty good and that I would make an effort to speak up in the sicha. And actually, I’ve already started to speak up a bit in the sicha.

By the way, I need to report that Leo Koffler is already in Palestine and wrote that he’s doing great there. I’m really happy about it; I’d love to write to him. Hopefully, we’ll be able to see each other again. I believe we will.

Sunday, July 30, 1944

I’m lying in bed sick with the flu. Yesterday, I was hit by the chills, and I really had a fever. The doctor came to examine me. I almost fainted from the headache. But today I feel a bit better, though I still have the headache and maybe a bit of a fever. Helene is sick too and so no one is really taking care of me.

This week, our machlakah (class-editor) wrote essays to discuss with Versoix. I wrote about why we are taking the halutz (Hebrew term for pioneer-editor) path. I must honestly say that I wrote this essay with sincere feelings. Those who read my essay told me it was great. Hans was pleasantly surprised to receive such an essay from me. Maybe it will even be featured in the Iton. I’m so happy to have written it.

But the biggest news is that I can go visit my dear aunt in Lucerne. I’m so excited about that. I’ll be at machaneh for four days and spend either the last two days or the first two days with my aunt. She also made me a beautiful light grey bag and sent it to me, so I’ll take it with me.

Monday, August 14, 1944

I’m back in Bex now; I returned from machaneh yesterday. I spent the first two days with my aunt in Lucerne, and I really enjoyed it there. The only downside was that it was during workdays, so my aunt had to continue working. But Esther finished her tasks quickly, and we had a lovely time chatting. She’s quite a young lady already.

When I left there, I’d had a lot of fun. Then I arrived at machaneh, where I found almost all the chaverim (group members) sleeping. But things came alive in the evening. I danced the Hora and participated in all the dances. I really enjoyed it. I like the chaverim from Versoix much better than our chaverim. I could get along with them so much better. This morning, when I saw all the chaverim, there was great joy. But now I feel like there’s a rift between Gordonia and Haschomer. It’s so stupid, like the rift between Nazis and Jews. If you greet Janez, he doesn’t respond and acts all proud. It’s so stupid. It will take some time to get used to being here. I’m expecting a long letter from Felice; she’s such a great girl.

Monday, August 20, 1944

It’s evening now, and I’m feeling a bit down again for the first time in a while. I’m reading a fantastic book called Gymnadenia by Undset. It’s written a bit freely but feels very natural. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling this way. Fredi is in our room discussing things with Berta. I don’t get along well with her anymore; we argue all day long. But I’m sure that will settle down.

One thing that really bothers me is that I’m unhappily in love with this boy Sam from Versoix. I like him a lot. In our chevra, discipline has taken a turn for the worse since the machaneh. Even in school, Hans is losing his patience with us. One has to get used to this structured life again. I can’t stand the chaverim here; but I get along well with Salli. He always teases me. That shows he still has some interest in me.

Wednesday, August 28, 1944

Today was an eventful day. In the afternoon, I went for a walk with Berta. On the way, we found some really good apples on the ground, the kind I haven’t had yet this year. Suddenly, we saw a forest ahead and felt like going in. I quickly started feeling queasy from all those apples. We continued on and discovered a beautiful cave. It was so cozy inside. Berta finally felt happy

there, it was a miracle. I would love to stay there and live off raw food. Unfortunately, that’s not possible.

We went home, thinking about this wonderful day. I really like Berta again; she’s such a nice girl. But what’s even better is that I’m getting along so well with Salli. This week, I’m doing the dishes with him, and as luck has it, we are washing pots together. We talked so easily with each other. Suddenly, he told me he’d like to have a conversation with me and asked if we’re getting along well. He’s so sweet. In the kitchen, we had potatoes and a little oil, and Salli and I fried them up like a housewife and husband. It was wonderful, really. In the end, he hugged me and stroked my arm. He’s just so sweet and kind, and cute. I received a long letter from Felice; she has been through some terrible things in her life. I will correspond with her more often now.

Tuesday, September 5, 1944

This week, we had sichot (discussions-editor) about the Aliyah (the immigration process into Palestine and in joining one of the Kibbutzim-editor). We talked about whether the chaverim (the group members) are capable or not. Thankfully, I’ve already been approved and confirmed for the Aliyah. They criticized me saying that I behave passively toward the chevra (the entire group). I didn’t agree and said I’m not like that at all. Salli brought up all those old times when the girls treated me poorly. Then he wanted to use that as an example about how I’ve improved here. Today, I also spoke for the first time in the sicha about Joachim. In general, I’m speaking a lot more now, and Salli smiles at me when I do.

Saturday, September 9, 1944

There’s been some talk about Salli, and I was quite surprised to hear all sorts of things about him that I hadn’t noticed before. People said he lies and does all sorts of forbidden things. I was really shocked by one thing: they said he looks down on people. I’ve never seen that in him. In the end, there was a vote, and I was the only one who voted for him for the Aliyah. The whole thing felt terrible. You might think I’m in love with him, but that’s not the case at all. The Aliyah is getting closer, and we have Ivrit class twice a day. One thing that makes me happy is that we’re getting new clothes, the first time since leaving home. I plan to express myself a lot more in the upcoming sichot (group discussions).

Saturday, September 17, 1944

Tomorrow is Rosh Hashanah, and it will soon be four years since we left home. I’ll be celebrating my fourth Rosh Hashanah in a foreign land. Just thinking about it makes me feel quite down. Hilde is also invited, and I’m really looking forward to seeing her. I like her so much. We polished our floor, and it looks really nice now; it was Hilde’s idea. I hope the weather will be nice so we can go for walks.

About Salli, I want to say a few things. It seems to me that he’s rather full of himself, thinking that I’m in love with him. He’s really mistaken. First, he has a girlfriend, second; I don’t need him at all; and third, maybe I like him, but there’s no way this is love. As for my aunt, I haven’t received any mail from her in a long time. I don’t know why. But now I’m going to send her a Rosh Hashanah card. Maybe that will get her to finally write back to me.

Friday, September 22, 1944

Today, I’m lying in bed feeling sick—not really sick, it’s more like a cold. I want to get up, but it would look like I was trying to avoid work and only getting up now that work is over. There’s

probably going to be a neshef (a social gathering party- editor) tonight, and I’d really like to attend. I had a good chat with Schuldenfrei last night, and I had to agree with him for once.

Such silliness; they moved the tables around and sat me next to Salli. What luck, ha, ha, ha, I really have no idea what I’m supposed to talk to him about. On the bright side, I’m getting along really well with Gerda now. She even told me that she likes me. Also, I wanted to mention that I was elected to the Va’ad Avodah (committee in charge of placing group members in the various work duties-editor).

Saturday, September 30, 1944

I don’t have as much to report as I usually do. This week, Nathan came and told the madrichim (counselors) that the Aliyah is very close for us. After that, we had an extended sicha where Ricki explained how we would be going to Eretz. He also mentioned that maybe those born in 1927 could go first. I might be among them.

We all took this sicha seriously, and it made a strong impression on me. At the end of the sicha, everyone had to say in which kvutza or kibbutz they wanted to do their hachshara (preparation for pioneering life in a kibbutz*) . I said I wanted to join Gordonia, which is a kvutza . There are very few in Gordonia, just eleven people, while the rest are all Haschomer (Hashomer Hatzair). Salli moved to Haschomer because of Slata. I feel sorry for him.

From now on, we’ll keep having ideological sichot with Hans and Sarah, and even though most of them are unpleasant, I’m determined to keep up my work. I’m really looking forward to going to Eretz. The boys here have become so disgusting. The way they treat the girls is downright shameful. And Salli, the cutie, thinks I’m in love with him, but he’s completely mistaken. Thank God, I’m no longer sitting next to him at meals. I want to look at him just like any other chaver (male group member) from now on.

With Berta, we have been arguing all day, and tomorrow is Sukkot. How beautiful it used to be at home.

Saturday, October 7, 1944

I just received some from Hans “Gordon’s Writings,” which describe a kvuzta in great detail. I started reading it, and I really like it because it’s written so interestingly. Hans Stoppelmann had already told us about it, but all in all this version is much more detailed. I’m reading it with great interest because, after all, my future life will depend on it.

Talking to Hans Blum is great and you can learn quite a lot from his explanations. He’s very intelligent. I get along well with Schuldenfrei, but he’s slowly getting on my nerves. He always wants to go for walks with me and talk. Honestly, I feel embarrassed to be in his company.

I’m now making fun of Salli. I’m not in love with him at all, but he thinks I am. Whenever he says something to me, I’m cheeky with him, and he gets really annoyed. I can tell right away. Now for some new news: in a few days, 17 chaverot from Hungary are coming to us, and they’re already in Switzerland. We had a sicha yesterday to figure out how we would welcome them. The focus was mainly on the chaverot because they expressed that they didn’t want to share a room with us. But then, all the chaverot agreed to welcome them. I’m really looking forward to them; it’ll be a nice change!

Sunday, November 26, 1944

Lately, I’ve mostly been in a bad mood. I don’t know exactly why, but there are reasons for it. It’s been an awfully long time since I last wrote in my diary. On one hand, that’s good, but on the other, not so much. A lot has happened. We switched rooms, and now I’m in a room with Berta and Mira. I get along well with Mira. While I used to get along best with Berta, that’s definitely not the case anymore. I argue with her all day, and I keep hearing the words “stupid” and “dumb.” Yet I still feel that I care about her. She’s mostly to blame for this situation. It’s such a horrible feeling to like someone and constantly be fighting until it suddenly ends.

Then there’s something else that really troubles me. Salli was in the hospital for over a week, and he came back on Friday. While he was away, I was so easygoing with everything. Now that he’s back, I find myself thinking about him, even though he repulses me. We didn’t even greet each other. I noticed it, and so did he, but I don’t care to engage with him anymore. He doesn’t matter one bit to me now.

And something else: the Aliyah is coming soon; in a month they say.