Sonja's Story

The Journey to Eretz Israel

Monday, June 11, 1945. On the Ship to Eretz

I am, praise to God, finally on the Journey to Eretz, a journey I’ve longed for so much. But I don’t feel entirely well. I don’t know why. It could be that there are some things I’m very worried about as far as my future life is concerned.

First, I’m not quite sure if I should go into a kvutza with Garin, meaning with (the group that came from -editor) Versoix . I’ve talked to many people about it, and it became clear to me that I don’t feel comfortable with the chaverim (existing group members-editor), and I don’t feel connected to them. So then I was told that after only two days it’s impossible to feel comfortable yet. And second, I absolutely want to go into the kvutza alone, so I don’t have to live with the old chaverim again. Because if I live with the old chaverim again, I’ll be stuck in that old life. I want to start a new life for myself. In a week, we will already be in Eretz.

Then there’s something else. I was friends with Hans Blum for a while. He is a chaver from Bex. We got along really well and really liked each other. Maybe I let myself be taken advantage of a bit, but that doesn’t matter now. Until the departure from Bex, we were good friends. Suddenly, I

fell into a bad mood that came entirely from me, and we parted ways. Hans saw it as just a little disagreement and didn’t register it. I talked a lot about it with Berta, and she gave me good advice not to be with him, saying he was using me. I didn’t feel that way then, and I still don’t. But I took Berta’s advice to heart. And that’s how it happened that I suddenly ended it for good. I haven’t really talked to Hans about it yet. He noticed that we stopped speaking, mainly through the way I carry myself and the fact that we don’t speak anymore.

What else could I have done in my despair? It most likely wasn’t right of me to suddenly cut things off with him without a word. But one thing I want to mention is that before we separate, I have one last conversation with him so we will part as friends, not enemies. He says he will join Haschomer for “chevratic” (social -editor) reasons. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I’m feeling so sad on the ship, but I don’t think so. It’s just that I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I don’t get along with Berta at all, she’s such a strange case. I’m glad I won’t have to go into a kvutza with her.

Kvutzat Maayan, Thursday, July 11, 1945

I’m now in the kvutza with the chevra from Versoix. It had to come to this. I had no other choice, and so here I am.

Kibbutz Eilon, Wednesday, October 31, 1945

I’m in such a terrible mood right now because now I’ve arrived in Eilon all because of a chaver named Hans, who is a total jerk, and I’ve broken things off with him. He’s a disgusting pig, and I hate him as deeply as the night is dark. If anybody were to ask me if I feel well here, I’d have to say “no” several times over. I regret leaving Maayan to come here. That was a huge mistake on my part. But unfortunately, it’s done, and there’s no way to correct it at the moment.

On top of that, I’ve caught a terrible cold. It’s just awful here. I’m really scared to tell my aunt in Tel Aviv how things are with me. I’ve already confused her about my decision to come here, and if I tell her now that I want to leave, it would be terribly awkward. I’ll wait a little longer. If I can manage to work in the Bet Jeladim, I might stay here. If not, I’ll try to find a way to leave. But I’m really scared to explain it to my aunt.

As for Hans, he’s been flirting with every girl he can find, and now he’s getting close to another girl. He thinks he can make me jealous, but he couldn’t be more wrong. I’m furious with him; he’s ruined my whole future, that miserable pig. I cannot stand him.

Friday, April 5, 1946

First of all, I can report that I have broken my arm.

Thursday, April 18, 1946

I haven’t written in a while, but I have a lot to put down on this one page. My arm is getting

better; tomorrow the cast will be taken off, so I’ll be able to go to Chofesh Schnati this coming Sunday. I’m really looking forward to experiencing city life again. I was supposed to be at my aunt’s for Seder, but it didn’t happen because of my stupid arm. But en dawar, this too shall pass. I hope I‘ll have a good time during this Chofesh.

Now, I have something else to report. A while back, I was friends with a chaver here, and for various reasons, we broke up. Lately, I’ve noticed that he’s been coming closer to me and showing concern for me. We happened to be in his room on Tuesday, and suddenly we started talking about our past and everything. Hans asked me a lot of questions and then, out of the blue, asked if I wanted to be friends again. At that moment, I was completely taken aback and, of course, I said no. I still have enough pride in me to be able to say no. He seemed really surprised; he was hoping for a positive response. I explained again why I didn’t want to, and that it should be understandable. But he still didn’t get it and kept talking about it. But I’ve come to a firm position and will stick to it. I could see in his sadness that he cares a lot. But there’s nothing to be done, my dear. I will remain true to my character. Now he left again, and was very disappointed that he won’t be able to see me for a long time. You can see that the boy lacks pride.

My kids are so adorable. I’ve been working in a children’s home for over a year now. I have five girls and not a single boy. I’ve gotten very used to this work, and I plan to learn a lot about the children, especially their upbringing at the age of one and a half to two years. That’s when they start to talk and walk a lot.

Monday, May 20, 1946

Today I am sick and don’t feel well. I have a sore throat. Besides that, I’ve been in a bad mood the whole time. I believe it will eventually stop for me. In fact, I have not a single friend here with whom I can talk about all my issues and feelings. The only thing I do is to write to my friend Berta, and she will reply to me, too. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my family, and my mother, and my brother, and everyone asks me why I’m so sad and what’s wrong. I really am very sad. That I can say.

Ruhama, August 18, 1949

After such a long time, I find myself now in Ruhama, and a lot has happened to me during these two years. I am a Founding Member here.